It seems we exist
from one press release to the next
Brain teasers promising major advances (or not)
at a forthcoming medical meeting
at some undisclosed time
in some undisclosed location
by an undisclosed speaker
The mystery of data
The titillation of science
I envision Carly Simon
on the podium
in her warm-ups
singing Anticipation
while our patience wears thin.
And then comes the drum roll
All is unveiled
A PowerPoint jumbotron
Compulsory background data
Study schema sailing into focus
Eligibility and Exclusions marching into place
Statistical assumptions
Our “Ps” and “Qs”
Demographics and all their variables
Primary endpoints
Survival curves
Waterfall plots
Swimmer plots
Spider plots
Primary conclusions and implications
All the Limitations
Each slide with a proper headline
Finally, the acknowledgments
to all who participated
Everyone gets a medal, it seems
And if they’re lucky
a standing ovation
But the golden wreaths belong
to those who gave their lives
